Creating a guest list can be challenging, especially when you have a tight set of restrictions around how many people you can invite. You don’t want to over invite and end up with more people than you can cater for but you also don’t want too many empty seats…
Statistically speaking, roughly 15% of your guest count will RSVP ‘No’ for some reason or another. This may not be a big deal for you and you won’t want to fill in the gaps; while others may want to meet their full guest count – if you have paid for 100 seats; fill 100 seats, right?
Cue the A-lists and B-lists. A-list guests are going to be all the have to have’s (no matter the reason…); while the B-list guests are going to be all the nice to haves but not at the cost of a seat for a must have.
Before we continue, a word of warning - it is not always possible to avoid hurt feelings when/if someone finds out they didn’t make the cut for your A-list. This is what makes the concept of A and B-lists so controversial.
When deciding on who goes onto the B-list we recommend you choose people who you know will be understanding to be on the B-list and have set criteria that you apply across the board.
What do we mean by set criteria? For example, you have 5 co-workers in total in your office; all 5 of them will have to go onto the B-list if the criteria calls for no co-workers. You don’t want 1 co-worker to get their invitation much earlier than the others, realise they are ‘backups’ and then take offence.
Stay consistent in separating your guests and try to place ‘groups’ on the same lists if possible. If not, then follow your set criteria.
Also remember to pay extra attention to the politics and dynamics within your respective families and friend groups when making decisions on who makes each list. *we apologise in advance for all the headaches this may cause – just think of the honeymoon and you’ll make it through*
You’ve made your B-list, now it is time to order it according to who are the must haves and nice to haves. The ultimate goal is to not have anyone really catch on that they were a B-list guest, and the way you accomplish this is by knowing who is next to send an invite to when you get a ‘No’ from an A-list guest.
Need some help with your A-list? Read our 7 steps to creating a guest list.
So, take your B-list and set it up in order of who will be next to be invited (give it some order of importance).
Tip: Don’t tell anyone you are splitting your guest list up (your mom included). You don’t want to risk people finding out you made a B-list and they could’ve been on it and start asking around.
The wedding industry loves lists (we know, you love a good list too) – what flowers to buy, stationery types you need, guest lists, the types of nervous breakdowns you should have while planning, to-do lists, attire checklists, etc. but this is one list too many.
Having a C-List will be incredibly stressful as you not only have to worry about potentially managing the amplified hurt feelings of the guests on this list but also keep track of and follow up on 3 separate invitation send outs. Nightmare on your street, that’s for sure.
If you are going to send save the dates, don’t send them to anyone who didn’t make the cut for the A-list. If you send someone a save the date; you are then obligated to send them an invite to the wedding.
You will need 2 RSVP deadlines – one for the A-list and one for the B-list.
Set your RSVP deadline for the A-list for much earlier than you would usually need to (8-12 weeks prior to the wedding date), especially if you are using printed stationery that you are sending via snail mail. It may leave room for more creative elements but you are subject to a lot more of potential time delays than e-invites.
The RSVP deadline for the B-list can be in line with the norms of usually no later than 4-6 weeks prior to the wedding date. This will allow sufficient time for them to respond and you to follow-up with any and all stragglers for final guest counts.
You will need to account for the time it takes to send the invites out and get the response back from the guest for each of the lists when setting the dates as well as where and how they are being sent (think of our infamous postal services).
Don’t forget any of your out-of-town guests who many need extra time to prepare to come to your wedding when deciding on the send out dates and RSVP deadlines.
Order both sets of invites and/or RSVP cards at the same time with their different RSVP deadlines.
You don’t want to delay the process of sending out invites and getting RSVPs by having to wait on ordering stationery. You also increase the risk of people finding out there was a B-list.
If you are using Happly’s guest list and e-invite features, all you need to do is select and send.
There are a few ways to handle this, but it is generally recommended if you are using printed stationery that you are sending via snail mail that set a cut off date for collecting ‘No’ responses from you’re A-list and mail out our B-list invites in bulk and not on a ‘as you get a no’ basis.
This method keeps everything orderly and help keep those last-minute invites from tipping people off as to a B-list.
Also keep to the same method, if you mailed out the first round of invites. Then mail out the second. Don’t switch over to texting a picture of the invitation for the B-list.
If you are using an online system like Happly to send out your invites and manage your responses, you have a bit more freedom to send on a ‘as you get a no’ basis; but use with caution.
Remember when using E-invite platforms to turn off any invitee list and/or commenting feature that would allow others see who is invited to your wedding.
Generally speaking, when sending off B-list invites, you should only send when you have gotten sufficient responses back and have enough for whole ‘groups’ (co-workers, couples, etc.) or singles. You would have prioritised your list but if you have 10 open spots and the 10th guest starts your group of co-workers then only send 9 B-list invites.
Don’t count hearsay no’s – its pending until you’re told otherwise by the guest directly. If you haven’t from Aunt Jenny and Uncle Bob but your mom said they’ve said they aren’t coming – phone Aunt Jenny or Uncle Bob and find out if they are or aren’t coming so you can adjust your lists accordingly.
Getting guests to RSVP can be quite the task in its own right but it is a crucial step in pulling off your B-list like Henry Cavill pulls off literally anything – flawlessly (sorry spouses to be).
Don’t let the few stragglers from the A-list hold up your send out for the B-list, if you need a few slots to be confirmed – call the few guests who haven’t responded and get a yes or no.
If they can’t talk then and there, setup a time for later. Don’t answer, call back and leave a voicemail.
Need a few more suggestions on getting those RSVPs? Here our suggestions on getting your guests to RSVP on time.
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